Shame, an assertive emotion
by theshortone15
Summary: It's amazing the effect one event can have on a person's entire life. Quietly, it follows us and affects our every movement and thought, usually without our knowledge. It often is a person's greatest foe and the hardest battle to win.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own any part of yu yu hakusho. Well, this is pretty much my first fan fic, so I would love some constructive criticism. Just letting you know now, yes the character is a fox demon, but I don't really think that condemns her to the realm of unoriginality. At the very least, I've always felt, its not the type of character but how you use it. If that makes any sense. Anyway, it's sort of a short opening but I thought it would be enough for the first chapter. I hope you like it and helpful advice is always welcome. After all, I'm bringing this out to improve my writing skills as well as indulge my creativity, however flawed it may be. Thank you for reading. I hope you like it.

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The fire shot up toward the sky, swaying and ebbing gracefully like wispy dancers, and the smoke rushed from every opening, filling the air with its heavy scent. It didn't take long for the screams of the victims who had been locked inside to fade as the fire grew, quickened by the gasoline that had been spilled before hand. In front of the massive inferno stood two girls, one, staring in wonderment and a look almost akin to joy; the other with horror and confusion.

"_What have I done?_" the frightened one thought to herself. "_I didn't intend on this happening_." Lost in her own fear, she didn't notice the small body crawling from the only open window. Despite being dowsed in flames it managed to pull itself out and fall to the cement. "Oh, look Clarisse," said the more joyous one calmly, noticing the small man. Broken from her focus, Clarisse looked toward the lump of flames. Barely alive, the man made a final attempt at seeking help. Seeing the two girls, he weakly reached out his hand. Now mostly devoid of flesh, it looked more like a torn and weathered glove than an actual hand. The few pieces that remained, barely hanging on, began to burn away like pieces of paper.

"Please," he moaned weakly, the fire continuing to eat away at his skin. "Help me," he begged, his eyes bearing into Clarisse's. Still caught up in her own fear, she only stood, unable to move or speak. Then, the anxiety began to take hold. Her heart began to race, a lump formed in her throat, and her legs, eager for movement, began to shake beneath her.

"_What do I do?"_ she thought desperately to herself.

"He deserves it," her friend whispered, staring contemptibly at the dying man. Finally, as the man's hand began to fall to the ground and he began to succumb to death, Clarisse couldn't take anymore. Acting on the only thing she felt she could do, she ran from the towering inferno, moving as fast as she could. Leaving her friend behind, she sped through the night, running as fast as her legs could take her. Buildings, people, light posts, everything passed in a blur.

At last, when her heart seemed about to burst, she stopped in a dark clearing of the forest, and fell to the ground, tears streaming from her face. Sobbing and still fighting the anxiety, she pounded at the ground in frustration. "How?! How did I let myself become a part of this?! Why didn't I see this coming?!" she screamed out loud. Feeling powerless and tired, she laid on the cold ground and quietly wept, trying to fight off the visions of the dying man.


	2. Chapter 2

Clarisse awoke the next morning to a serene world. The sun shined brightly, the air was crisp and warm, and the animals called and sang contently. Clarisse couldn't help but feel as if she were being mocked by the day itself, as if it wanted to show how happy it was compared to her. Rolling over, she did her best to ignore the beauty that surrounded her, and began to play with the damp grass between her long fingers. _"What do I do now?"_ she thought to herself. _"People will probably be looking for me after all that. But what do I do? Where do I go? Where the hell am I now?"_ Closing her eyes, she tried to focus her thoughts and ignore the horrible memories the smell of the smoke that stuck to her clothes urged to bring up. She could feel a lump forming in her throat again.

"_No!" _she thought. "_Now's not the time. I have to focus. Just relax. Relax. Relax..."_ she repeated the word in her mind, forcing herself to calm her aching mind and body. "_Okay, I'm sure you didn't run that far. I'll bet your still pretty close to the city. But you'd probably be in trouble if you went back. I'm sure someone saw me fleeing the scene of the crime. Yet I need supplies, I don't know how far away I am from the next civilization, and what about Elaine?... What am I saying? She's crazy, I wish I had known sooner, but I can't change that now...I guess my best bet would be to just do my best to survive until I find another town. I'll also have to hide my spirit energy, people may already be after me."_ Clarisse rose from her spot on the ground, doing her best to ignore the beautiful day and focus on finding water and food.

Touching its handle, she found comfort in the fact that she at least always had her weapon nearby. Like a dear pet, it was rarely far from her person. Crafted in her homeland, it was a double-sided spear, built for both speed and strength. Though it was common among her people, outside it was seen by others as somewhat of a rarity of a weapon, due to its high standards of control and dexterity that took years to master. However, despite the fact that she had grown up with the weapon, Clarisse was still not as skilled as many as of her fellow clan members, yet, at least powerful enough to get by.

"_What shall I look for first?"_ she thought to herself. Almost in reply, her stomach let out a low grumble. "Well I guess that answers it," she gently laughed, heading towards a small thicket of brush.

...

The day continued to draw on and, making sure to cover her tracks as best she could, Clarisse made her way farther and farther east. However, despite her sense of progress, she had failed to find water. The root she had been chewing on now beginning to dry out, she realized she needed to find a more suitable source. "_But where do I begin to look?"_ she thought to herself. Thankfully, no sooner had the thought passed through her mind when a river tern flew overhead. _"What luck! I must not be far,"_ she thought as she began to follow the bird.

Despite the underbrush that scraped against her legs and made it difficult to run, she managed to keep up with the small bird, and after running for what felt like hours, she finally made it to a long sparkling river. _"Oh water, you've never looked so good,_" she thought as the root slipped from her open mouth. The river tern let out a small call from above, and before Clarisse could even walk five feet, a blunt object had struck her head, causing a harsh pain to rush through her body and knocking her out cold.


	3. Chapter 3

Alrighty then. This is the third chapter and this is where the Yu Yu characters begin to get involved. I hope its good. I read over it like five times looking for typos and re-worded a lot of things. Yes, i'm sure we all know what this other option is, that's a bit cliched, but I reiterate, its about how you write it. As I've said before, this is my first time writing a story outside of school, so if you have any advice, words of wisdom, or suggestions of how to make this better, please, give it to me, constructively. I would really appreciate it. Thanks again.^^

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"Oh, my head," Clarisse groaned as she sat up. Looking around, she saw that she was in some type of jail cell. The bars were thick and the cell was musty and dark. Instinctively, she tried to reach for her spear, however, she not only realized that it wasn't there, but that her hands had been bound behind her by a pair of spirit cuffs as well. _"Where the hell am I?"_ Clarisse thought with urgency.

Looking around, she tried to find anything that would help her free herself, but it was to no avail, the cell was barren of any objects. "_Perfect!"_ she thought as she lied back down on the cool floor. "_And on top of everything, I'm still thirsty too!"_

"Hey, you awake yet?" said a girlish voice. Clarisse quickly sat up to see a young woman who's physical features seemed to match her sunny disposition. Her face held wide pink eyes and soft features that stressed a fun-loving and kind personality. Atop those eyes, a large amount of irregularly bright blue hair played along with a long and cheerful, pink kimono which sheltered her petite body. Though the woman seemed tired, and her face a little serious, Clarisse couldn't helped but feel somewhat calmed by her presence, as if she had just been greeted by an old friend.

"I'm sure you get asked this all the time, but, is that hair color real?" Clarisse asked. The girl's expression became annoyed.

"Well, if you're going to be snide, then I'll just leave," she said sternly, turning to leave.

"Wait! I was just kidding around," Clarisse said desperately.

"Hmph. Ya, you better be. I get enough attitude from Yusuke," the girl muttered, turning back around. "And yes, it is," she added.

"Can you tell me where I am?" Clarisse asked, scooting toward the cell door.

"Well, I could tell you, but, it would only lead to more questions and I have to take you to Koenma. Don't worry, he'll explain everything."

"Koenma?"

"Yes, he's the prince of spirit world...I guess as long as we're moving I can answer some of your questions," she explained as she opened the cell. As she did, a large ogre walked in and roughly lifted up Clarisse.

"Ow, a little gentler please." The ogre ignored her comments and led her out of the cell. "Who are you?" she asked the blue haired woman.

"My name is Botan," she answered with a friendly tone.

"Do you think you could tell me why I'm here?"

"I'm sure you probably know," she replied, her tone suddenly becoming somber. A lump began to form again as she recalled the gruesome event.

"I guess I do," she said grimly, her eyes facing the hard stony floor.

"You helped murder over one hundred demons you know."

_"That many?" _she thought, trying to fight back tears as the dying man's desperate eyes popped into her head again. "_Stop it!"_ she thought to herself, shaking her head to return to reality. The three halted at what looked like an elevator. Its doors, which were ornately decorated with golden slithering dragons breathing out a deep red fire, opened with a happy ding, making it seem completely out of place in the drab and desolate dungeon. The ogre holding her arm urged her inside, the girl followed close behind.

"Botan?" Clarisse asked timidly, looking up at the bright woman standing at her side.

"Yes?" she asked meeting her gaze.

"Am I going to go to...what would you call it? Hell...or something?"

"I can't tell you dear, I don't know. That's what we're going to find out." Clarisse looked back at the elevator doors, listening to the steady mechanic sound. The ogre holding her arm let out a heavy sigh. He seemed to be tired.

"I guess I would deserve it," she said sadly. No one responded, and a grim silence followed them for the rest of the trip.

After passing countless busy looking ogres, the three stopped in front of a large ornate golden door. Its dragons matched those on the elevator, however they were much larger, and radiated with intimidation. Clarisse, silently readying herself for whatever punishment may come, let out a heavy sigh.

"Here we are," said Botan softly before knocking on the door, her hands seeming miniscule against its magnificence. The bulky thing opened and before her sat a confusing sight. Behind the desk sat a small toddler with a large blue hat and blue binki. While that seemed normal for a toddler however, his tranquil, buddha-like face, and folded hands did not. Standing next to the small child was another ogre, smaller than most of the other ogre's they had passed along the way and about ten-times smaller than the ogre holding her arm, but an ogre none the less.

"That ogre isn't the prince right?" she asked Botan confusedly.

The toddler's tranquil face suddenly became flustered. The ogre smiled proudly.

"Um, no. He's not," answered Botan awkwardly.

"I am," said the toddler angrily. Taken back by the talking baby, Clarisse wasn't even sure what to say. "You can take off the handcuffs," he said to the ogre holding Clarisse. "Please take a seat Ms. Lachlan," he said, motioning to a chair in front of his desk. "Ogre."

"Y-yes my lord?" asked the startled ogre standing next to his desk.

"Get Ms. Lachlan some water."

"Yes sir," he replied, running out of the room. After sitting down, she noticed a small file lying on his desk.

"I take it that file is on me," she said, nodding towards it and rubbing her sore wrists.

"Yes. You'll notice it's small. There isn't much known about you, you see. After all, your not a large face on our records, and as such, it seems strange that a girl with no real history or record here would suddenly be involved in such a heinous war crime."

"May I ask how you found me?" she said, looking the small prince in the eyes.

"Your partner," he said bluntly.

"I figured. Is she okay? What has become of her?" Clarisse asked somewhat worriedly. An awkward silence fell over the room, and for a moment, Koenma seemed lost in thought, as if searching for the proper thing to say.

"As I'm sure you've realized by now, your friend was a bit...off. She's now in a place that will take care of her. I won't go over details, but I can at least tell you she's not in pain. A crime brought on by madness is different from crimes driven by blatant indifference of others." The information did indeed bring some comfort. Despite the destruction, her friend didn't seem to understand the immorality of what she had done. She, however, had little excuse except ignorance, which, rarely, is excusable.

"Back to you Clarisse. I'm curious, what's your side of the story?"

"Where shall I start?"

"From the beginning please."

"Here you go miss," said the ogre placing a glass in front of her with a smile.

"Thank you," she said, taking a long swig of the cleansing substance.

"Well, when I met Elaine, I had just come to the area. I didn't know anything about it, not even the fact that its people were at war with a nearby group of bat demons. I met her at one of the bars in the town. She honestly didn't seem at all crazy, in fact, she was extremely kind and conversable. When I told her I had nowhere to stay, she even offered me a place at her home." She paused for a moment. "Anyway," she continued, her tone becoming more solemn. "I later found out that she had lost her family to the war when she was young. As a result, she didn't say this, but I think it was obvious, she had a great hatred for the bat demons. Due to this hatred she joined an underground militia. She was actually a very powerful fighter and did a lot of work for the group. So, it made some sense to me when she told me she was going to infiltrate one of their hang outs. She said she needed my help because all the other members were too scared or busy with other duties...I honestly didn't think she was going to do what she did." Clarisse paused for a moment and looked down ashamed, again, feeling the lump begin to form in her throat, and her heart beginning to race. She began to fidget with a string coming off her shirt.

"What _did_ you think she was going to do?" Koenma asked. Clarisse paused for a moment before answering.

"I didn't think," she finally said. "I didn't think at all, I didn't even ask. I should have. I acted like an idiot."

"Why didn't you ask?"

"I don't know," she said, fighting back tears. "I guess I just didn't think she was capable of what she did."

"Certainly not your brightest moment Ms. Lachlan," said Koenma sternly. She did not reply.

"Why do you think she brought you with?" asked Botan. Clarisse shook her head.

"I don't know, I can only guess at this point. Maybe she wanted someone around in case something went wrong, maybe she just wanted someone to take down with her, maybe she thought I'd enjoy it...I don't know," she answered, taking another sip of her water.

"Sounds like you didn't intend for any of this to happen," Koenma said calmly.

"I really didn't sir," Clarisse chocked, finally allowing a tear to fall. "I know that's no excuse. I shouldn't have allowed myself to be manipulated by my own naivete, and I take full and complete responsibility."

"I figured you would say that. Not to rub salt in the wound, but your friend Elaine told us something else about you. I left it out, wondering if you would bring it up. But since you didn't, I guess I will." Clarisse picked up her head and gazed confusedly at the tiny prince. "She informed us that you actually did have a former criminal history. One that you've managed to stay unassociated with and the reason your meeting with me and not one of my lackeys who usually does this work for me." At this, the prince rose from his seat and walked towards a nearby window. Looking down, he paused and stood in silence for a while, tapping his foot impatiently, as if contemplating something. "Please be honest with me on this one Clarisse, for I assure you, if you are not, your punishment will be much more severe."

"What is your question?"

"Is it true that before meeting Elaine you were a blackmail artist?" Koenma turned and stared at the girl, waiting for an answer. Clarisse sat in silence, doing her best not to seem to fazed.

Clarisse let out a sigh of defeat._"What the hell? I'm damned if I do, and I'm damned if I don't,"_ she thought to herself as she wiped the tear from her face. "Yes, its true," she answered calmly and pointedly.

"How many people have you blackmailed?" he asked in a quizzical tone.

"I don't know," she said tiredly. "I did it just to make money, I didn't really keep track. Maybe thirty," she said shrugging.

"And how did you manage to do it for so long and not get caught or chased down?" At this Koenma seemed particularly interested.

"As a fox demon I naturally pick up disguising easily. Thus, though I was not particularly well-trained in it, once I started practicing I mastered it quickly. The hardest part was focusing my demon energy enough to copy more individual characteristics, like voice and finger print, and then holding them. The next was getting some kind of DNA so I could use it to turn into them. However, by changing every time, or pretending to be someone they knew, like a friend or family member, I was able to both stay disguised and get close to them. I also changed places often, and didn't stay anywhere for very long. I guess that's what managed to keep my identity secret and my trail cold. I tried to make sure I had little contact with the target in my real form and learned of their wrong doings either through your want-ads or the information I gained from bounty hunters."

"Were you planning on continuing this?"

"Of course," she said with mild surprise, as if it should have been obvious. "It was my only main source of income, and the sources didn't really last long. I've learned that even scared criminals have trouble not indulging in their vices and I ended up turning them in to you quite quickly. So, in order to survive, I would have had to continue." Koenma walked silently back to his desk. Letting out a heavy sigh, he folded his hands again and looked Clarisse in the eye. Botan and the ogre watched Koenma curiously, unsure of what his next move would be.

"What were your over-all goals in carrying out these crimes?"

"Well, it's not quite as simple as money. The reason I saw this as my only option was because I don't have many specialized skills, other than fighting, and I don't like working for people. Hence, I saw this as the only option open to me if I wanted to travel, work for myself, do things I wouldn't feel guilty about, and, at the same time, make money. I told the criminals if they paid me and quite doing whatever it was they were doing, then I wouldn't turn them in. Of course, that was usually never enough to stop them, and I always eventually found out. As you know."

"This is my last question pertaining to this issue. Could you name some of the people you blackmailed, and what they were wanted for?" Clarisse contemplated silently for a moment.

"Haresh Rai. Tried to steal some sacred objects. Ummmm, Rainier Gabai. Held one of your staff members for ransom....Jacy Kotnick, threatened your father...and....Phelan something-or-other. Ate one of your search birds. I didn't really get a lot from him, but it was certainly an interesting crime," she said with a weak smile. Anyway, those were the most memorable for me," she explained uneasily.

"Alright, Ms. Lachlan, since you were honest with me, I will be honest with you. As far as your case goes, we were beginning to catch on to your identity. It took us a while and about 55 criminals, but we started to find patterns. We knew it was either a member of the fox, cat, or raccoon-dog demon species, as they are the main ones who use the art of disguise. Then, we began to notice a pattern in the places the criminals were coming from, and we soon started predicting roughly where you were headed to next. Despite this, however, you still managed to stay a couple cities ahead of us. Finally, and this was a more recent action, we managed to find logs of those who had entered the cities and left around the times the criminals stated they had first been blackmailed.

"Your name kept popping up. In fact, we were trying to pinpoint your exact location, when this lucky, yet bittersweet, incident occurred...Then, we found Elaine, and while you did not learn as much about her as you should have, she managed to learn a lot about you...As I'm sure you're aware Ms. Lachlan, you placed your trust in the wrong person. She told us about as much of your criminal history as she could remember, and basically verified our suspicions. I think she anticipated punishment, and brought you to the crime scene so that you could join her."

"_I desperately need to become a better judge of character," _Clarisse thought, wincing as she replayed the events leading up to this moment in her head.

"You shouldn't beat yourself up Clarisse," said Koenma kindly, as if he had read her mind. "Your friend was a very intelligent psychopath, she could have fooled most people." He looked at the file on the desk and rested his head on his hand. "Anyway, to cut to the chase, due to yours and Elaine's knowledge of this case, I believe I can safely say that you are who you claim to be, and because of this I would like to give you my thanks," he said holding out his hand genially.

"You're welcome?" Clarisse said shaking his hand, and looking confusedly, along with the rest of the room, at the small nobleman.

"As much as I hate to admit it, you did help us capture those criminals, and for that, you were a large help to us, and I admire your ability to turn it into a financial venture. If you taught a class about this stuff I probably would have taken it. Nonetheless, what you did is a crime and must be punished in some way. Originally, I was going to have you tortured for about two hundred years with fire," he explained with an unnatural amount of ease and lightheartedness. "And this is still a possibility, however, in light of what I have learned of your character and your abilities, there is another possibility available to you."


End file.
